For you by Tracy Chapman

No words to say
No words to convey
This feeling inside I have for you

Deep in my heart
Safe from the guards
Of intellect and reason
Leaving me at a loss
For words to express my feelings

Deep in my heart
Deep in my heart
Look at me losing control
Thinking I had a hold
But with feelings this strong
I'm no longer the master
Of my emotions

Loving my profession

So many people loathe their jobs, but they don't have a choice because they have to pay bills and make ends meet.

I fell into that category once and I really hated my job sooo much, it was with a passion. I hated half of my colleagues and my manager( I just couldn't stand her). I couldn't bear going to work after a while, but I needed the pay so I just went regardless and a little after that I just called in sick.

Now I just miss my career as a whole. I love teaching.... Its one the greatest professions in the world. I am sooo proud to be a teacher or should I say I was so proud????

Those days when I would sleep late and have to wake up early the next morning, and regardless of how tired I felt I looked forward to the day ahead because I couldn't wait to see those tiny humans.....

They always made me laugh even when they were at their silliest..... Children really are the future. They have this spirit that can light up any room. I'm actually wondering why I haven't had one yet.....(thinking)

So to all my kids at Asquith, Edmonton, Park lane and Angel Raynham I really miss you cheeky Monkeys and I'm sure some of you have gone off to key stage 1/2................

Risky Business

How often do we take risks? We take risks everyday of our lives, and sometimes we don't even know it. Who knew sleeping could be a risk???? You might end up not waking up.

Risks can be taken in Businesses and life in general, but can you take a risk with your heart???

Am falling too hard and too fast...... I'm getting confused by the day.
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?
I feel like am chasing a ghost... Am I? Would you let me know? Wouldn't you?

You tell me I give up too easily maybe it's because I don't want to fall flat on my face.

So yes I am fighting for what I want, the only problem is do you want me back??? I need to know.....

So I am taking this risk with my heart!

What about your Friends???

So I was listening to that TLC's song:
"What about your friends, will they stand their ground will they let you down again
What about your friends are they gonna be low down
Will they ever be around or will they turn their backs on you"

For most people their friends are all they have, for me not sooo much. Don't get me wrong I have wonderful, loving and supporting friends. I just can't seem to find them anywhere around, and I can't say I have made new ones. Sorry my new friends, no offense!

Remember those girls' night outs with tequilas, lime and salt with old skool music...... "Don't blame it on the sunshine, don't blame it on the moonlight.... Blame it on the Boogie" by Wacko jacko would be blasting on the radio. I remember those petty fights on baseless things, I really don't remember why we fought at all. I guess there was just too much love in the air, remember those days of university (aww, those crazy days when we did crazy things). Sometimes I wish I had a camcorder to record all the silly things we did.

My world revolved round one person for too long that I didn't know how to go out and make new friends. So you know what I did? I made friends with my large family, that way I have someone to call when I need a friend, I have someone who will always have my back and I have someone who will stand by me at all times..

So all you guys out there with true and reliable friends, tell them you love them as often as you can. They are the ones who help you up when you fall down, they are the ones you call when you feel let down in life, they pick you up with their helping hands.

This blog is just to appreciate all my friends everywhere around the world!
Love you all
xoxo

This Time By Tracy Chapman

This time
I won't show I'm vulnerable
This time
I won't give in first
This time
I will hold out with my love
This time
I will not be hurt


I'm gonna love myself
More than anyone else
I'm gonna treat me right
I'm gonna make you say
That you love me first
And you'll be the one with the most to lose tonight
This time


This time
I won't let my emotions rule my life
This time
I'm gonna keep my heart locked safe inside
This time
I'm gonna be my own best friend
This time
I'm gonna be the one


To win
Your love
Your affection
To hide
My fear Of rejection
This time

We want A Lady In the Street, But a Freak in the Bed

Isn't that what men want???

I am currently in the dating world and trust me, it is not a pretty world to live in....

I met this drop dead gorgeous guy, I have only met a handful of them in my life except for the Hollywood stars I fantasize about (Wentworth Miller; Prison Break, Morris Chestnut; Best man, Tyson Craig Beckford; Ralph Lauren Model & others) but I can't seem to place this guy.

He is of perfect age, intelligent, well-spoken, engages in a fantastic conversation, fun to be with and in order not to bore you I will stop there. So we hang out a couple of times and there is this crazy attraction and I go for it or should I say we both went for it....

So here is the deal, I consider myself a beautiful young woman who has an exuberant confidence and a great self esteem, very eloquent, very fashionable with a great carriage. To top it up, am a lady in the street and a ..........

If I were a boy, I would definitely be into me... lol

So we've hung out a couple of times, clubs, parties, movies, Lunch, hang out with friends and a get-together. That will be a total of 6 times or there about in the space of five months... OK, before you jump into conclusions, he works out of town... Still a silly reason for us to have hung out for that little amount of time right????

So I follow my heart and leave my mind to ponder on the matter, but I can't seem to understand what the hell is going on. What is stopping this guy???? One minute he is all into me and the next minute he is like an Alien from outer space (Even E-T is more friendlier than he is when he is in that zone). So I come out and use the "L" word (Calm down, its the small L not the big L)

So here is the truth, and this is how I move on. I soliloquize truthfully and make sure am as candid as can be. So I ask myself a couple of personal questions?????

Question: Do you think he likes you?
Answer: I don't know,I think so

Question: If he liked you wont he call you often and check up on you??
Answer: Yes he will.

Question: So does he call you often and check up on you???
Answer: No. But his job doesn't give room for that most of the time..(stupid excuse)

Fact: He can send a text or at least reply the ones you send......

Question: Does he send you text messages or reply the heart-felt ones you send??
Answer: No. But he is a workaholic, he usually doesn't have time (Stupid excuse)

Conclusion of the matter: Get a life babes, he is just not that into you!

So all my single ladies out there, we know when a guy likes us, don't we? When the guy we like soo much isn't just that into us, we pretend not to notice, and so we make up soo many excuses to exempt them from the rule.

So beautiful ladies, lets make way for another drop dead sexy gorgeous guy in our heart, and let's stop dwelling on that one who doesn't care about us...

He loves me, He loves me not, He loves me, he loves me not!

Time

Is it me, or there just isn't enough time nowadays to fit your whole parole in a day.
Giving it a thought, it's this festive period. I can not imagine how many enemies I have made because of Time or should I say lack of Time.

Please my friends cut me some slack.... Unlike all you guys with drivers, a young lady has to drive herself everywhere. Am too busy shuttling between the Island and the Mainland, I kiss my teeth all the time! In a day I have to attend like a zillion parties, and that is very impossible. You guys can agree with me that driving in Lagos is not child's play, it's serious concentration with the crazy drivers and soo much traffic out there.

I must say that this festive season is just too festive for my liking. There are too many events and parties that I have to be there so I have been cheating nature and basically nature is fighting back. I am fatigued practically all the time, I wonder if age has to do with it???? Hmmn......

Talking about age, there was a time I went out from Sunday to Sunday without a break and I felt brand new. I think I was about 19 years then. Those days when you wore heels every single day and you didn't feel anything. I recently wore heels for three consecutive days and by the fourth day I couldn't walk in them. lol

I remember those days when I club hopped, from a bar in east London to a club at the west end, to another in south London. My point is when you get to a certain stage you should stay put but that's just not me. Ever since I got back, I think I have tried to pick up where I left off but it just hit me that it doesn't work that way. I have been out of town for too long, when I say out of town, I don't just mean out of the country; I was in a relationship for four years and all we did was dinner, movies and get-togethers. No clubs, no bars, just the two of us in our own little world till it came crashing ( A story for another time).

All these excessive partying, clubbing and drinking needs to be left for the younger generation. The other day I was at a party, my nieces invited their friends over(ages 16- 19 years) and the men there were practically drooling. Then I thought, that used to be me and my friends........ Now most of them are married (with kids), or about to be married, they are too busy running after their husbands (husbands-to-be) and children.

Time is a very delicate, yet no nonsense part of our daily lives. It waits for absolutely no one! Whether you're a President or a commissioner, or a maid or a servant. It's very important to make use of time very wisely because you can never get it back. In this coming year 2010, I have decided to make use of my time efficiently, no procrastination, no leaving anything till late. I want to be the best woman I can be, so I am going to start by managing my time wisely

So am going to end this blog by quoting what we all know about time;

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven

A time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
Time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

So who is with me on using our time efficiently???? I know I am!

Be careful of my heart by Tracy Chapman

You and your sweet smile
You and your tantalizing ways
You and your honey lips
You and all the sweet things that they say
You and your wild wild ways
One day you just up and walked away

You left me hurting
But I can forgive you for that now
You taught me something
Something took me half my life to learn
When you give all yourself away
Just tell them to be careful of your heart


Be careful of my heart, heart
Be careful of this heart of mine
Be careful of my heart, heart
It just might break and send some splinters flying
Be careful of my heart, heart
Be careful


You you you
You you you
You you you
Took my Love
Thought you took it all


You you you
You you you
You you you
Took my Love
And now you're gone

But I'm not breaking down
And I'm not falling apart
I just lost a little faith
When you broke my heart
Given a chance
I might try it again
But I wouldn't risk it all this time


I'd save
A little Love for myself
Enough for my heart to mend
A little Love for myself
One day I just might Love again
One day some sweet smile might turn my head
One day I just might give all myself away
One day
One day

Journey of Love...... Part 2

So coming back to this journey of Love. Some people say that love is not always enough. Truthfully, I am guilty of this. I said that about my first relationship, I kind of always said it alot.

Looking back now, I think I said it too much and I ended up believing it..............

We sometimes forget that word "Unconditional" can be added to the word "Love". When you put those two words together, am thinking that two people can go through any kind of storm together and still come out as one. Don't you think?

I recently read this forwarded message that got me so emotional. I'm still trying to figure out the whole message, because I like to over analyze everything. It's about a man who asked his wife for a divorce because he simply thought he didnt love her anymore. So instead of narrating the whole story, I am just going to copy and paste it;


To those who are married, ... Not married .. and soon to be married.

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see.. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce..
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. ... She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work.. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily.. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any mo re. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one... Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy..

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card.. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.



The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah.. blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy..

So now after all these years, I can say with no reservations that Love is enough. It is more than enough to weather any storm. It is what we do with our Love that matters. Do we hurt eachother with our Love? Do we impose on eachother with our Love? Or do we simply accept eachother with our Love? Do we embrace eachothers' imperfections and flaws with our Love? Can our Love withstand the years to come,the wrinkles and grey hair? Do we celebrate eachother's differences with our Love or do we condemn with our Love?

I can happily end this blog by telling you what my greatest fear is;
My greatest fear at the moment is getting married to someone I don't Love!
That's exactly how I answered the question.

Journey of Love......

Here we are in 2009, when friends are crossing their names out of the singles list.
I dare to say that many of us are still on it by choice in a few cases (very few cases may I add), and for most of us it's one of those things in Life.

If I may speak for myself, I would say that I have dotted most of my I(s) and crossed most of my T(s)..... So why then do I remain on the singles list?? Is it by choice? or is it Life?
Someone recently asked me what my greatest fear is? It took me approximatly 0.4 seconds to answer. It was like the answer was right on the tip of my tongue, I didnt believe how fast it took me to answer the question.
I am sure people think they know what the answer is...... However, I can bet my inheritance no one can guess. So am home later that evening, played some music and thought deep about my answer... Did I really mean that? Is that the way other people feel? Can I really achieve this?

Am going to tell you what my greatest fear is later, but before that, am going to tell you a couple of things about Love. Things we know but I guess we forget or simply choose to ignore.

Love, that word scares the living daylight out of me. Yet it makes my heart pound faster than normal. We all know what love is ;

Love is patient, kind, it does not envy, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong doings. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Love never fails............

So I ask, "If Love is all these things, why then do we have failed marriages"? Aren't our so called marriages based on Love??? I can't seem to phantom the number of failed marriages I have heard of in these past few months since i returned from the UK.

So ladies, I want us to think deeply. Are we getting married for the right reasons????

Goodnight



TBC